Anxiety

I feel anxious and trapped. I feel I cannot move but I am moving. I am trapped inside my body-this fat unhealthy body. I try to change it but not to hard because that would be risking the fact I could fail. I know what lead to this much unhappiness and self abuse. I am trying to change it but it is the very nature of my being to blame myself for the problems of the world. I try not to look at it this way but it is part of my core. My sister was in town and I could not enjoy her visit because I was feeling bad about several things. I even stayed away as so that she would not get bothered by me. I know she does not feel that way but I do. I wish her and everyone love and Happiness, and I will try to enjoy my own happiness.