Cell phone forwards

Lately I have been getting a lot of cell phone forwards and have passed along many of them. Some of the best come from my brother in law who has a great sense of humor. Here are some of my favorites:

A little girl asks her mom if babies come

out of the place boys put their penis.

Mom says yes.

The little girl says doesn't that hurt

your mouth.

Girls reaction to penis size:

9 inches=pain

7 inches=heaven

6 inches=perfect

5 inches=um ok

4 inches=push more

3 inches=is it in?

2 inches=fuck it just use your tongue

God saw you hungry and created McDonalds

God saw you thirsty and created Bud Light

God saw you without a good looking friend and created my sexy ass!

Life is full of mistakes and regrets but one thing I will never

regret is meeting you.

A condom tells a tampon "You always stop my business for a week"

The tampon says "Yeah but when you fuck up I loose my business for

nine monthes.

The police found a body with saggy titties,

dirty panties, and a food stamp card.

Girl I was worried--you alright?

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

6,675,000,000 people in this world

and yet I ended up with your crazy ass as my friend.

Damn I feel lucky!

You are riding a horse at full speed,

a giraffe is beside you,

an elephant is in front,

and a lion behind.

What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the merry go round!

What is the best position to make the sexiest baby?

If you don't know ask my parents!

Sex is like muddin'

you see the hole and approach it carefully

enter it slowly

then once you are in it is balls to the wall

until your motor blows

A boy took his cat to school

the teacher asks why

he starts to cry and says that he heard his dad tell his mom

that once the kids were at school

he was going to eat that pussy

Flowers $20

Dinner and a Movie $ 60

Hotel Room $120

The look on her face when you stick it in her

PRICELESS!

I'm trying to set up a haunted house for halloween

and I need some ugly people.

How much do you charge?

Someone asked me what I loved most about life

and I thought of you!

Masturbation is like procrastination

It feels damn good at the time but then you sit back and realize...

I JUST FUCKED MYSELF!